I want to become christian but how?

my mother always told me god wasn't real, but my father is very religious, and i've lived with my mother my whole life, and i want to believe in god, but i cant for some reason, i got to church with my dad every now and then but i don't get any type of good vibe or anything and the pastor is always talking about giving money to the church, which makes me not trust him, and i just feel weird when i go, and i don't know what to think anymore, ive had a bad past with selling illegal items, theft, always getting high, and im trying to change but i cant, i don't know who else to talk to, i don't want to tell my parents my past, i don't know what to do anymore, sometimes i have a bad feeling, like im going to die, and i just got done watching these near death experience videos on youtube, and they make it seem so easy to just change there mentality and believe in god, but when i try i cant, ive read the first 4 chapters of the bible, but some things just don't make any sense, and my dad tells me its all true, and i want to believe him but idk, does getting saved really do anything? will it help me believe? i even feel bad writing this for some reason, i feel lost, and its always stuck in the back of my head, anyone else have this problem?